07 September, 2014


Sleeping seriously stresses me out. Not my own sleep or lack there if. But the sleep of my kids. I almost eish there weren't so many resources out there so I could live in ignorance. 

Don't let you baby cry. They will feel abandoned. You need to let your baby cry or they will never learn to self soothe 

Don't sleep train until 16 weeks. Start sleep training as early as possible.

Lay your baby down awake. Lay your baby down sleepy.  Lay your baby down passed out. 

Co- sleep. Never share a bed with your baby. 

You can't spoil your baby. Don't spoil your baby. 

It is seriously exhausting and all consuming. I thought I would have this all figured out having done it with Evangeline but it is just as stressful the second time around. Evangeline is an incredible sleeper and by the grace of God we never had to make her Cry It Out. That should be reassurance enough that Juliet can be a great sleeper one day also. 

One thing I need to make sure I don't do as a mother is always harp on the things my girls AREN'T doing and focus on the things are are doing. For example, Juliet is an incredible night sleeper. She goes down easy with a little bouncing and a few cuddles. Sleeps like 6 hours, eats, goes right back to sleep, wakes up 4ish hours later, eats, goes back to sleep and wake up 6:30-7ish. Sleeping the while time in her bassinet!! That's awesome!! Evangeline slept in our bed for months! 

So here is a little note to myself of we happen to find ourselves with baby #3 (please, Lord 2 is enough). Don't stress too much. Do what YOU feel is best for YOUR babies. Pray about sleep more than you read about sleep. And soak in the cuddles. Soon they will die at the thought of cuddling in your bed with you. 

Stress less, sleep more. 

Fruits of the Spirit

I found this blog draft that I never published. It is from when Evangeline was first born.  It really encouraged me as I am going through the newborn stage with Juliet.

I am learning more and more about prayer as I desperately seek the Lord day after day, hour after hour, minute after minute, as I take care of this sweet babe.  I pray for the fruits of the spirit to rise in me with every night feeding.  To love every moment.  Find joy in the middle of the night. Help create a peaceful home. Be patient with every diaper change. To be kind with every cry.   Be gentle with every touch.  Remember God in all his faithfulness.  Teach goodness to in all I do and self control in trying not to give into my selfish wants and desires.  I am so thankful to have the strength of the Lord to lift me up as I learn this new job.
2 Sam. 22:2:
The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer.

06 September, 2014

Remember This

I wish I could write this blog post as in the middle of my day so I can accurately document my true feelings of our current season in life.  Because right now, I am actually having a moment to myself as I am sitting on the back patio, eating dark chocolate(which I crave like craze while breastfeeding) and soaking in the 90 degree weather while both my little woman are down for the night and it is ONLY 8pm!!  Serious success. And with this success my description is going to be much to mild.

But, this might be my first calm in the storm in over 8 weeks and I actually have time to describe what our life looks like right now. In February Kev decided to quit his job, be home full time with Evangeline and double his school load so he could finish his MBA early and I would continue to work full time. This was all good and fine until little Ms. Juliet entered the world.  I forgot how much attention and care and boobs newborns need.  So, now we have two kids, a full time student, a mom who works full time, and two parents committed to raise their babies and be at home.  Oh and to top it all off Kevin was offered a job we could not refuse. So, now we are trying to juggle our two jobs, two kids, school, and figure out how one of us can always home with the kiddos... oh and try to have a marriage.

I am not going to lie, the last few days there have been times when I want to sit in the corner and rock, and sometimes I do it. Everything seems so daunting and and impossible.  Thank goodness for Amazon Prime, it is a life saver when I've made a million trips to Target and still can't remember mascara.  There have been days when I look like a hot mess because little Ms. Ju is a snuggle bug and protests being put down which makes showering almost impossible.  Some days I find myself stand at the computer bouncing furiously with Juliet in my arms, singing the ABC's to Evangeline, trying to read an email. And worst of all, most days Kev and I are going to bed at different times because he is up studying and I am so exhausted I can't keep my eyes open.

This time for us is hard, really hard.  I didn't know what busy was until now.  I remember feeling this way when Evangeline was first born, I didn't know how easy I had it then.  This is just a testament of how God won't give you more than we can handle.  I just need to soak in the moments when I can slowly enjoy my chocolate (instead of hiding in the pantry scarfing it down). It will be great to reread this blog post years from now and know that we survived.  We will survive, won't we...?

25 July, 2014


I lay here at 8:20pm trying to figure out why this is so hard for me. I've got our beautiful two week old resting on my chest (sweet Juliet). I can smell her sweet breastmilk breath and hear her soft baby pants as she's sleeping. I can hear Evangeline's (now 20 months) sound machine on and can see her curled up in her crib fast asleep on our video monitor. 


I'm having trouble laying here being the comfort to this new human. Anytime I move this sweet little Juliet off my chest she wakes up and needs to be loved back to sleep.

I've got laundry to fold, a bathroom to clean, my bible readying to catch up on, I could probably make a mile long list. But, I'm trying my best to laying here and soak it all in. Trying to enjoy this moment, this phase where this baby needs me and is comforted just by my smell and my warmth. I know the years ahead it won't be so easy to comfort these sweet little woman. Trying to enjoy the sight of Evangeline snoozing away after a fun day of play. 

Goodness. Why in the world would I want to fold laundry and clean a bathroom?! Oh my sweet little woman, how you tug on my heart. This is beautiful and wonderful and not hard at all.

26 April, 2014

7 Months in a Nutshell

I get on In My Hindsight blog a lot and get disappointed that there isn't a new post. And then I remember that is because I'm supposed to be doing the posting!! Ugh...Why can't my thoughts just automatically upload to this blog with images attached? Invention yet to be invented.

I seriously love going back and reading the stuff I've posted on this blog. I crack up at my own jokes over and over again. Or I get SUPER annoyed at all my typos. Even if I reread my blog postings 5 million times my eyes refuse to see typos. Kathy Erickson- point them out to me, won't ya?

LOTS has happened since my last post and if you follow The Short List you get picture snippits of all things new.  But, here on this space I verbally vomit all my thoughts.  I always write blog posts in my head but can't seem to find the time or motivation to write them down.  So, here is a list of all things new in our life.

1. I'm preggos with baby #2! If you've seen me lately there is no hiding it as I am slowly becoming the size of a house at  7 months pregnant.  I am kind of sad I have been so lazy with blogging as I have already missed 7 months of pregnancy posts (I mean EVERYONE loves to read all about everyone's pregnancies, right?)
2. We moved into our house next to the Scheeles.  And, yes we are still friends.  And, yes this was one of the best decisions we have ever made.  Seriously so fun.  Constant playmates, second pantry to raid and basically live in babysitters.  BEST.DECISION.EVER.
3. Kev quit his job and is full time dad and MBA student.  It amazes me how he balances everything so well.  He is super dad, of course.  Super husband, as always and so dedicated to school.  Somehow making each party feel like the priority.  How does he do it?  He is just pure awesome.
4. is that it...? I felt like I had more HUGE news, but I think that is it.

Well there you have it.  In a nutshell out life the last 7 months or so.  Hopefully there will be a lot more posts, to document in more than a sentence and a quick picture what we are up to.  If no one else enjoys it, I do. 

13 March, 2014

A Year Later

I just realized I never posted this from this SUMMER.  Summer of 2013!!  Still fun to look at!

Remember forever ago I told you I was going camping and it would be worth blogging about?  Well I did go camping and it totally is worth blogging about but I didn't get a chance to blog about it until right now.  Only about two months late. Oops!

Last year Kev and I decided to host a camping trip at my parents resort in Oregon.  It was such a huge success we decided to do it again this year.  Boy were we in for a treat.  8 adults 5 kids, two of those kids being babies...it was interesting and fun in a terrible kind of way.

The Wagners brought a kid tent.  It was a hit and a genius idea to contain the munchkins.

2013- look how cute we are with our cute hair and cute clothes and cute bellies.
2013- look how cute our babies are.
Crazy what a difference a year makes! Can't wait to see our 2014 picture.

21 October, 2013

Birth Story (This is Long)

This is long over due, but better late than never!  Everyone told me I would forget a lot of the details and pain of my labor and I thought they were all madmen! Everyone that asking me how labor I would respond,

"The worst ever. The worst thing I have even done. I will NEVER EVER do it again."  

I should have have taken a video of myself so I would NEVER EVER FORGET.  Because, here I am thinking, "I could do it again.  It wasn't that bad."  Time heals all pain, eh?

Almost 11 months later, here is what I remember.

This is Evangeline's story.  This is how she entered the world.  This is her beginning, covered in prayer from the start.
November 29th, 2013 I woke up at 4am to head to discipleship.  I headed into the bathroom to start getting ready.  When I was emptying my very full bladder I noticed a large blob of something in the toilet, something of light pink color!  I took a better look at the blob in the toilet and come to the conclusion that labor was starting!  Poor Kev, decided he would take a quick pee before he headed back to bed. He walked into the bathroom and I started rambling away about everything, recalling every single detail I had ever read or heard about the beginning signs of labor.   Kev is not a morning person, AT ALL, and all this crazy talk at 4am was not what he was expecting.  He just put his index finger up (indicating "Give me one second), started blankly at me with squinty eyes and bed head and then walked away.  I, of course, was shocked that he wasn’t ready to talk about my body fluids at 4am.  After a few FOREVER seconds He returned with the book “The Birthing Partner” and had turned to the page describing “Water Breaking”.  With our vast medical knowledge we were trying to diagnose if I was indeed in labor!!  After some reading and hmmm-ing and haaaa-ing we decided, we didn't know.  So, with places to go I showered and headed off to Discipleship.

This next part I will never forget.  I drove to discipleship and eagerly told Jan (my mentor) that I thought this baby would be here soon! Jan had all the girls gather around me and place their hands on my big belly. One by one these women prayed over this sweet little girl that would soon be coming to join the world.  They prayed for her salvation, purity, husband and fruitful life ahead.  They prayed for me as a mama and the strength that would be needed to get me through labor and becoming a mom.  I could feel the Lord’s blessings pouring out on me and my little one. I loved that this little woman coming into the world was already covered in prayer.

After discipleship I headed home.  I still didn't have any contraction but decided I should work from home just in case. I called me parents and let them know that I thought my water may have broke and thought maybe they should start heading over this way.  But, since my contractions hadn't started there wasn't any urgency.  I decided to call Dr. Grant (whose the BEST doctor ever to exist) and let her know what was going on.  She suggested I head into the hospital to get things checked out. I called Kev and told him I would need to pick him up from work; we were headed to the hospital.

We walked into the hospital, laughing, joking and holding hands.  Dr. Grant had called ahead and the nurses were waiting for us.  They brought us into a labor and delivery room and had me change into a robe.  They hooked me up to a fetal monitoring system and checked to see if my water had broken, it hadn't.  The news that my water hadn't broke bummed me out, I was so ready to meet this sweet little girl.  They asked that I stay a bit longer so they could monitor the baby’s heart rate.  All the nurses had left and it was just Kev and I in the room talking and joking to the sounds of our little one’s heart rate.  As we were talking we noticed the heart rate seemed to slow down quite a bit.  Just then two nurses rushed into the room.  They asked me if I was feeling OK and quickly put an oxygen mask on me.  I looked into Kev’s eyes for support and courage; I could tell something was wrong.  I started praying and pleading with the Lord.  I could tell Kev was also. The nurses were buzzing around asking me to relax and breath deep.  After several minutes we heard the heartbeat return to its quick pace.  Apparently, I was having a very long contraction (I think it lasted over two minutes) and it was a little tough on the baby.  But, since our baby was one part me and one part Kev she was one tough little cookie and bounced back after so much squeezing. With this little scare the nurses ask that I stay for three hours to be monitored.  We agreed happily.  A little while later we had a visit from Dr. Grant. She sat with us, checked my progress (I was at 3cm) and kept us company as we made sure little Evangeline's heart stayed strong.  After monitoring baby and me for a while Dr. Grant gave us the option to stay and labor at the hospital or to go home(as she thought we would soon be meeting baby).  I was only just starting to have very light contractions and I didn't want to be stuck in the hospital for days. We packed up and headed home.
Obviously not a woman in labor.
A few hours after we got home from the hospital the contractions started to get stronger! I was SO excited and they were coming and coming and coming!! I started to time them and keep a little contraction log like all the books said I should.  They were about 8 minutes apart!  It was pouring rain outside but I REALLY wanted to go on a walk.  So Kev and I put on our rain jackets and made a few loops.  Knowing the contractions were not close or strong enough to head back to the hospital we knew we were in the waiting game.  Dan and Sarah had invited us over for dinner and we gladly accepted wanting to kill some time! After our wet neighborhood walk we loaded in the car to make the trek down to Gladstone...in rush hour.

The drive to Gladstone was a little uncomfortable.  My contractions were varying from 13 minutes to 6 minutes apart.  I knew this baby would be coming soon. Kev still seemed a little skeptical that this was actually happening. We enjoyed a delicious dinner of eggplant Parmesan and headed home.  To my disappointment my contractions had slowed quite a bit.  But, I was thankful that I might get a full night's rest.  My parents had arrived from Bend and joined us for dinner and the waiting game. I kissed my parents goodnight and told them I would wake them if anything started happening. 

At 2am I woke up with contractions and strong ones.  I got up and started to pace the house.  A contraction would hit and I would have to brace myself.  Trying to remind myself to breath and relax (like either of those things were going to happen). I grabbed the exercise ball and bounced every time I felt a contraction and then would lay my head on the bed until the next contraction hit. I didn't want to wake Kev, I needed him well rested so he could help me through the hardest part of my labor. My contractions were about 7 minutes apart.  The contractions were becoming really painful and a couple times I had to run to the bathroom to puke. I started pregnancy hugging the toilet and I thought I might as well end it this way.  Kev woke up around 5:30am to lovely sound of me puking my guts out.  He sat up with me and helped me move through more strong contractions. At 6am my mom came upstairs as she heard Kev and I talking.  Being the wise woman that she is, a mother of three and a nurse, she convinced Kev to call Dr. Grant even though my contractions were not very close together.  Dr. Grant told Kev we needed to head to the hospital.  Kev still not entirely convinced I was in labor decided he would shower and then we would go.  I paced back and fourth through the house having no idea how I was going to make it to the hospital especially in Friday morning traffic.  As soon as Kev was out of the shower he grabbed our hospital bags and we hit the traffic packed road.
Me before we left for the hospital.  This looks more like a woman in labor.
I prayed though the entire 40 minutes that it took us to get to Portland Providence from our house in Vancouver and "Thank You, Lord!" my contractions slowed down to 13 minutes apart during that drive.  Kev dropped my mom and I off at an entrance that he thought was closest to the maternity ward. He was mistaken.  It was really really really far away, or at least it felt really really far away.  He could have dropped me off two feet in front of my hospital room and I would still have thought it was too far away.  When we stepped foot into the hospital it was like my body knew I was there and my contractions were back and back with a vengeance.  I had to stop every few minutes and put my head against the wall and try to breath and try to relax until the contraction passed.  A hospital worker asked if I wanted a wheel chair.  Walking sounded much better so the hospital worker was very kind and navigated my mom and I thought the “backway” of the hospital to get me to the maternity ward.  An eternity later we arrived to the maternity floor.  Hallelujah!  

Less than 24 hours from the last time we visited the maternity ward I arrived very differently than before.  This time I walked in wearing Kev's sweats, panting, and no smile on my face.  When I saw the nurse I burst into tears when she said, “Welcome back!”.  As I was bawling, I said, “it feels so good to me here.”  I was in so much pain and it felt good to be at the hospital.  It felt like we were one step closer to having the pain over and meeting miss Evangeline.

They checked me into the labor room and I was trying to change into the robe but as far as I got was pants off. I still had on my shirt and my socks. What a sight to see.  The nurse checked my progress and I was already at a 7! I found that it helped when someone squeezed my pelvic bones together during a contraction.  Whoever was closest to me when a contraction started got that job.  The nurses quickly filled the tub for me, and I asked Kev to join me.

We entered into the tub room and the tub was only big enough for one.  Poor, Kev sat on the outside of the tube wearing his board shorts.  He was so supportive.  Held my hand and pushed on my back during every contraction.  The tub felt amazing, but my contractions were becoming more and more painful and frequent. Up until this point I was able to stay pretty calm and quite during a contraction but now I couldn't hardly get through a contraction with our letting out a whimper or groan or scream or amazon woman sounds.  Dr. Grant popped her head in the tub room.  She has such a gentle and peaceful way about her. I had been in the tub for about 30 minutes and felt like I had to poop.  I was panicked thinking about pooping at a time like this!!  The nurses helped me out of the tub so they could check my progress and assured me that I didn't need to poop but would be pushing soon. 

I was now naked, wet, cold and hurting.  I crawled onto the hospital bed and curled into the fetal position and that is were I stayed for the next two hours. A contraction would come and everyone took a role.  Kev sat right at my head and whispered into me ear, “almost over” “You’re doing great” “one contraction closer to the end”  “You’ll have a break soon”.  It was so comforting to open my eyes and see my Kev-0.  My mom would push on my back and cheer me on through every contraction. Dr. grant would sit at the foot of my bed softly swaying and humming.  My God sent nurse, Amie, would gently stroke the different parts of my body that were tense to remind me to relax. I slept between every contraction. I know, crazy but I did.

After about two hours I could feel my whole body bear down when the contractions came.  It was time to push. Dr. Grant had asked me hours ago if I wanted her to break my water.  I told her NO because she said that when the waters breaks the contractions would be quicker and more intense.  I didn't think I could survive anything more than what I was already experiencing.  But, when I started to push, Dr. Grant told me she had to break my water now and that it would be a lot easier to push.  I was looking forward to this stage.  I had heard from so many women that this part felt “good”....yeah, I COMPLETLEY disagreed.  Pushing hurt soooo bad. I seriously thought the baby was trying to come out of my butt. Seriously, at one point I started alerting everyone that the baby had jumped holes and was coming out of my butt!! My angle Nurse Amie put warm washcloths on my hole. Complete angel, right?!  After about 30 minutes of pushing with all my might I felt the baby come out. Now that felt good!

And just like that, it was over.  A beautiful little slimy baby was placed on my stomach.  She has a full head of dark hair and had a little read “strawberry” on her knee.  I looked at her and said, “Hi, Baby.  I am your mommy.” Totally worth it.

17 October, 2013

It is Actually Happening!

So remember waaaaaay back when, when we announced we were building our first house?!  Well, we still are.... doesn't it seem like it had been FOREVER?!  Well, we just got the news that we should be able to move into our new house the first week of November!! That is like 2 weeks away!! WE head over to the new house every couples of days the view the progress.  I, of course, don't feel like they are moving fast enough and when it it looks like nothing has been done in a couple days I always call Kev whining like that will make the house be build faster.

But, we are getting down to our final days and I started packing and cleaning getting ready for our big move! Well at least I am trying.

Last week I decided to get all Pinterest on myself and clean my oven with baking soda. It wasn't until I was head first in that oven trying to wipe out the baked on baking soda paste that I remembered some ovens have a "Self Clean" setting... sigh...ours has one.  I am still trying to get all that baking soda out of there!!

The other night Kev was gone and I was determined to pack up everything in the kitchen besides the essentials.  Instead I watched an episode of Hart of Dixie and text my friend Erin about how much I hate packing.  But I did get one cupboard packed.

But, I won't let these failed attempts discourage me.  Our house is almost done and it will be clean, odor free and ours!